My name's meaNing

Fyuh.. fyuh…
So Lazy today… LuckiLy I stiLL get my hoLiday (Last day -_-‘).. Thx GOD that He gave me such a wonderfuL Life to me untiL this day... Can’t stop thinking about His kindness..

Yesterday I chatted with one of my friend.. Kinda mizz him.. Miss ur ugLy voice,, LOL.. Miss ur jokes.. Yeah,, he said that he is busy nowadays heLping his father’s business (cieh..cieh.. jd anak kantoran negh ??) WeLL,, he didn’t go to office,, so he couLd chat with me… TaLking about hoLiday,, about my schooL,, taLing about the Life.. SuddenLy he mentioned it!!! He opened the conversation first.. End of story,, he encourage me to be stronger… He knew that sometimes I give up easiLy for something I actuaLLy can achieve.. We remembered one case in past that he got angry with me coz I didn’t try harder to get want I want..


I remembered that he ever said “Ran,, can you act Like your name ?”



A bit surprise,, hahaha.. Okay,, maybe he knew the meaning of my name through Msn.. Yupz,, My nick name is actuaLLy my name’s meaning.. Can u be a great queen with a patient heart that aLso never give up to get what u want?? Lemme think… Hmm,, hmm.. shouLd be can Lah.. But Looking at the reaLity,, it is not as simpLe as what I’m tring to say.. In one side,, I have a strong wiLL to get what I want to achieve.. But,, in the end of the day,, I feeL tired & wanna give it up.. Sometimes when obstacLes come,, I try to face it but there are time when I just want to quit..


Since I was young (am I oLd ??),, my parents toLd me to consider others perception.. Since I’m the onLy chiLd,, they afraid that I wiLL grow up seLfishLy… That’s why they taught me to be humbLe.. But here I am with aLL my weaknesses..
Most of the time,, I think I’m scared… I’m too scared to chaLLenge myseLf.. Many cases that my fear Leads me to a wrong decision.. I thought if I succumb,, I wiLL make others happy,, without notice my disappointment.. Although I know that my act is wrong,, I’m stiLL doing it to satisfy others.. I didn’t know sometimes my pain makes others pain aLso,, that makes me regret my decision Later.. “We don’t know what we’ve had, untiL we Lost it”


I hope that this year,, He gives me a way.. A wisdom to think cLearLy how to handLe a probLem correctLy.. Thus,, I wiLL not come out with a wrong decision anymore.. So I won’t pretend that I’m okay anymore & find out that I regret my decision again.. Yes,, I stiLL pray about it.. I stiLL need to Learn many things from aLL of you.. Hmm,, maybe it’s His way to give me some probLems that I shouLd face.. Through the probLems,, I Learn.. Oh,, hopefuLLy I decide the right things by His grace…


But I shouLd thank GOD for giving me a patient heart.. Looking back few years ago,, He reaLLy changed me.. He renewed my heart.. I used to do something in the rush with impatience.. Rushing but stiLL considering other peopLe?? Sound funny,, but I did.. I was sooooo boyish at that time & don’t know why,, But in my case,, sometimes it affected my behaviour.. Now it is sooo much better.. Though I stiLL have a boy side inside of me,, but I feeL sooo different.. I can feeL that patient.. I just pray for a heart Like Mother Mary… A heart of a reaL woman..

“Patience is companion of wisdom.”
“I have been my own disciple and my own master. And I have been a good disciple but a bad master.”

02.01.07
Le gra’